The Crazies
by Drapple Drapple Drapple
Summary: Come here for wacky, nonsense conversations between Voldemort and Snape! Hilariously out of character! This is OFFICIALLY A NON SERIOUS ZONE. Go, go go!
1. Chapter 1

Hi! These crazy conversations deliberately have very little (or no) indications, so let your imagination loose! Don't try to find any sort of common sens in them, just enjoy :)

**Bold is Voldemort**

Nothing is Snape

Underlined is Bellatrix

Part 1

**Dark, dark times... Imperio. Come with me. You are mine. Follow me.**

Yes, master. Yes, my lord.

Ha ha ha ha ha, my_hhhhh_ lord_hhh _I am yours too...

**There will be no texting during secret death eater meetings. Give. It. To. Me. Your hair is greasy.**

Do something.

**It is not my concern, I believe.**

Don't you know a...

**A?**

Spell.

**Why yes. But it is not my concern. Butterflies and snow. Me and Bellatrix. Things that will never go together.**

Well said, my lord. I guess there still is some riddle left in you.

**You dare...**

I do.

Then die.

I won't.

**Sing.**

On the tick of a bomb?

**If you must. Sometimes alone is not the answer. Who do you hate?**

The...urg. Students. Their names are unspeakable.

**Then fetch them and sing with them. Either that or I shall take your most prized possession.**

Even though you do not know it?

**I know everything. I am me.**

I am me too.

**Good for you.**

Thank you, my lord.

**You... you sneak. I believe I gave you an order. I am me. I have no mercy. Go. And add some theatrics to it. I want it entertaining.**

**THE END OF PART 1**

Want to see Snapes singing? "The potter puppet pals In the mysterious ticking noise" On youtube!


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2**

I am back.

**I know, you know.**

I know.

**I was rather shocked by your performance, servant mine. Are you seriously that narssicic? **

I do not have much imagination. I was distracted by the... urg. You know.

**I know. Now that that is over, tell mo who is prettier : me or Bellatrix?**

Pretty, my lord.

**Oh, yessssss.**

Pretty. Look at me.

**I do.**

Do what?

**Want to marry you.**

My...

**Shush. I know you. I see how you watch me. You find me pretty!**

Um. Ahem. Will I die if I say no?

**Of course not. I love you, my dear. I have new found feelings!**

Don't be modest.

**You are my favourite.**

I think I shall...

**Snape!**

My lord!

**Stay.**

Ack ack ack.

**Bucket, please, Bellatrix. My beloved has... spewed. I WONDER why? Do you know why?**

I like my life. So no.

**I should go to Gringotts'. Look at me and swear on your life you will not move from here. Stay with my beloved.**

Y_hhh_es, my_h_ lord_hhh_. Actually... I won't! Love me!

**No.**

Yes!

**NO.**

YES!

**Will you shut up? I hate you. I am me and that has not changed. Giv him to me. I will take him home. Marriage!**

**END OF PART 2**


	3. Chapter 3

**Part 3**

**Not sick anymore?**

Today I feel... better, of course, my lord.

**Come to me. Come here. I love killing people.**

You do.

**Too.**

Too?

**Snape, you are a murderer.**

Open my eyes, please. Your hands are sweaty.

**Am I nervous?**

I see you now, thank you. And also Noooooo!

**Help me! Beloved has gone mad!**

Yhes, myhh lordhhh! Mahd, he is, ha ha ha ha ha!

**Avada. Kedavra. Elephant.**

Elephant, my lord?

**The one crushing your leg this moment.**

Oh. Take me away from here! Madness is brewed in the wombs of banshees.

**I see you know Gilderoy Lockhart.**

That pathetic mop.

**Come here.**

No! Leave me alone! Go out with Gilderoy, not me!

**Snaaaaape... Rrrrrrrr, look at me, I am sexy. Do not run away. Death awaits you if you flee.**

My. Lord. Ouch.

**Yes, I feed that elephant a lot.**

But why?

**I am cruel, cruel Voldemort. You have fallen into my trap, servant mine.**

Oh. Trap? Potions potions potions potions Lily potions po-

**What. Are. You. Doing? Imperio! Answer!**

Maaaaaster! Let me go!

**You were blocking your mind from me! You don't trust me!**

I do, I do! Heeeeelp!

**Look at you, crying for help. I will kill you.**

Actually I do love you.

**Ouch. That hurt.**

The ground is a bunch of gummi bears, my lord. Falling down does not hurt.

**Why, am i not allowed to faint?**

Lord Voldemort, faint? What the?

**Yes, Snape! You revealed your heart to me in a moment of crisis!**

My heart is mine and is not revealed. I am cold and dark and mysterious and-

**Hahahah, no you're not, no modesty now, Snape! I declare us fiancés!**

**END OF PART 3**


	4. Chapter 4

**Part 4**

Deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa la la-

**Severus, get out! You have been in there for hours!**

Toilets are my home! And are we really on first name terms? Urg.

**First names are for weasels.**

Weasel, Weazley. Kill the redheads!

_(Together) Kill the redheads! Kill the redheads! Kill the redheads!_

My lord, I thought you had already eaten that snake.

**Nagini is a slithering rope of deliciousness. I eat. I vomit. I eat again.**

Delicious snake? Filth is not alive, sir. That is not a snake. That is-

**Aaaarg! Severus, save me! I ate a- I ate a-**

Go on, die!

**Ooops, the wood broke.**

Did you know that usually when one falls one hits the ground eventually?

**Severus, dear, this is not the time for jokes.**

It is not a joke!

**This is wierd. Alice in wonderland. I am Alice. Is your name Alice too?**

Nooo.

**Hmm. Listen, beloved-**

Master. We have been over this. We agreed not to...

**You agreed. I didn't.**

You did.

**You think I don't know what I did?**

Condidering you dress in robes mad of flowers, Lord Voldemort, I believe my judgement can be trusted a little more than yours.

**SNAPE!**

Oh. Not Severus, I see. I wonder, what is behind that door...?

**Come back! Imperio!**

Maaaster, why do you use that spell so much? Sigh.

**You dare think you are better than me? You devilish, squeakish koala with bamboo stuck up your eyes!**

Ahem cough bipolarity cough.

**Yes yes, servant, right you are, we need some more decorations inthis hide out.**

Decorations?

**More flowers, maybe? Hmmmm... Or dancing tea droplets! The ones that burn when you touch them.**

Um. Good idea, my lord. Take that hand off me.

**No, I'm pulling out venom. Nagini bit you.**

Did he? No, he didn't, he's dead, you ate him!

**My poor snakey-poo! Snape, my fiancé, you now have the job of being my new snake!**

**END OF PART 4**


End file.
